Wanting Babies... Baby Needing Blues...

There is no denying the fact that inside I am hurting, crying, needing, wanting another baby in my family. I got Louise thinking I could have a puppy care for a puppy while caring for my two beautiful children and be content for a long time. I find myself not even a year later not feeling fulfilled. I am going threw extreme baby blues. I am not talking about the ones you get after your baby, but the one where you just NEED a baby. There has been many friends and family who have had babies or are currently pregnant. I don't want to steal anyone's spot light, and I don't need any myself, but I just don't feel like I should be the only one not in the "club." I don't want a baby because everyone is "doing it" but I need a baby. I have always wanted a big family. Five or more kids I have dreamed of. I know I can handle it as I do it every day at work. There is just something in me that is craving this. My children are my joy and reason for living (OK the mail man too.) I just feel like our family is not done. I decided 3 years ago to get an IUD because at the time it was not right. Right now seems like not the time either with money and space etc. Honestly though when is anyone financially stable for a baby. Even the rich ones. So putting off your life goals is not worth it. I had the "talk" with my husband last night with no wining and not complaining we listened to each other. For a long time with the stress of Robert and Alora getting older he just was not ready to start all over again. I agreed for some time. We had our talk last night and he agreed we are not "done" with our baby making, but expressed his feelings of not wanting to go threw a pregnant wife alone again. He might kill me for what I am about to spill but eh he can pick up another tray of mail and take the aggravation out on your envelopes heehee. Anyway he expressed to me his two best friends are finally settled down and soon they will start their families. He wants to be part of that with them and them be part of us. I though it was extremely sweet for a man to express his true feelings, and he didn't tell me no! As a woman I know how we all feel about being and going threw things alone, and how we all dream at some point of being pregnant with our best friends. Liz and I always dreamed of that and our boys are 7 months apart and the babies 2 years apart. It makes you feel so good to have someone to talk to about the good things, the bad things, and lets face it the gross things! So as for now, I will be happy and enjoy my friends babies, be a good friend and help them out. Buy them adorable clothes and share in their joy. When our time is right we will move forward have lots of "baby making fun" and enjoy our own pregnancy and new born. Life as I know it is and will be perfect no matter what happens.

Much Thoughts For All Denise <3